There are many reasons we don’t disclose the past. Sometimes we forget what happened and just push it aside. Or we fear the outcome of our disclosure, like hurting family members, causing any pain or embarrassment to our loved ones, etc. We often blame ourselves for what happened to us and don’t have the confidence to open up to anybody. It’s the Guilt that makes us silent, it’s the cause of our sadness, the cause of our grief, the cause of our anger and the cause of our depression. And as long as we don’t let go off the Guilt, it will keep us from coming out of the web.
Sometimes, we decide to speak out because we can no longer hold it in as it’s killing us from within. It could be days of debating with your own self before you talk to someone about how you feel OR in one moment, it just comes out like you feel that in this moment you just let go of all the knots within you. Some people were often triggered by an incident that brings back old forgotten experiences, all the feelings rush back in to your mind like they were always there, so crisp and haunting.
Whatever it is that made you open up, consider it your first step to freedom. You will go through a really tough time once you’ve come face to face with your past. Someone will support you and someone might blame you, but you will be the only one who knows the enemy within. It’s easy for people to tell you “what’s in the past should be forgotten” but even though you might find it difficult to explain to them how you feel, IT’S NOT AT ALL EASY. But the tough time is only an indication that Good Times will soon follow.
So speaking about how you feel to someone you trust is your first and the most important step to deal with the crime that you faced as a child. If you’ve already done so, Be proud of yourself, you did the right thing and Yes, you are on the path to Recovery!
WHAT I DID: After 16 years of keeping my abuse incidents inside me, I finally broke my silence when I realised my past had made me look at sex as my relief to any kind of stress or loneliness that crept into my adult life. It took a few incidents before i realized it had become a pattern. No, I wasn’t addicted to it. At first, I told my best friend about it and after a little support in the beginning, I was completely shunned out. So there I was not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, completely rejected by my best pal, feeling stupid for opening my mouth and still having a difficult time forgetting being sexually abused as a child for 7 years. Since I was afraid of embarrassing my family, I didn’t want to tell them anything. I knew one thing though, I wanted to CHANGE and i wanted to LIVE.
So I went to see a psychiatrist, she made me undergo a psychological analysis and told me that I had to involve a family member before she could start my treatment. That was the worst thing, I took many days and then i decided to tell my elder sibling everything, but I could never figure out what to say. And being the impulsive person I am, one afternoon, I decided to speak to my mother, and as i started speaking to her, she was so comforting and warm that i told her everything. She had known I was depressed but didn’t know what storm I’d held within for so long. After that there have been Questions, Blaming, Denial, the works. And there has been Support, Love, Caring, Comforting and lots of Crying and Talking. I am lucky that the I wasn’t rejected by my family the way I was by my friend. I am not saying that my family was completely comfortable and supportive, there were many times they lost their cool but no matter what, they never blocked me out, they stood by me as I’ve tried to comfort them at the same time dealing with their feelings on this entire issue as well.
